Matthew Parris wrote about us in The Times yesterday. He described us as “nasty”, “clever”, “disgusting”, and “brilliant”. Thanks?

Matthew Parris, if you don’t know him, is a likeable ex-politician who has made the move into media. Imagine a muted Gyles Brandreth. If you can.

I don’t normally read Matty P’s column but I do try to catch him on the radio and enjoy his appearances on shows like Have I Got News For You. He has led an exceptional life defending gay rights and collecting various achievements. He rescued a dog from the River Thames and suggested that we should decapitate cyclists.

There is a serious point though. I’m delighted that FPL is one of Matthew’s guilty pleasures. However, he describes us as a “really clever marketing e-mailshot”. Yes, we’re really clever, but we’re not opportunistic email spammers. FPL is a members’ website. If he has received our “e-mailshot” he must have willingly registered. Either that or someone registered on his behalf. Perhaps the same people who believe he would benefit from a blood pressure detecting device.

Matthew’s article continues to flatter and offend:

“It’s a nasty little idea but rather brilliant. For centuries the theory was that you either paid for material which included advertising (like newspapers) or encountered advertising for free (like billboards). But now the advertiser is paying you to look. There’s something disgusting about this, yet – as Pooh-Bah says in The Mikado – ‘It revolts me but I do it.'”

I’m not sure what he meant by “nasty” and “disgusting”, but I’m hoping it’s a posh person’s version of “wicked”, or “sick”. If you wanted to read all of Matthew’s words you would have had to pay £1.60, wade through 32 pages containing 21 ads (some being full-page and double-page) to get to his piece. Or you may have paid for access online. I’ve pasted it for you below to spare you the expense.

What Matthew seems to have overlooked is that, like most TV and FREE newspapers, FPL offers something of value in exchange for advertising. The irony that The Times relies both on the cover price and advertisements cannot have been missed by Mr. P as well… Surely.

Am I offended? Not at all. Matthew’s piece is a Meldrew-esque self-parody.

Matthew, we welcome you to FPL, and are flattered by your kind words, and amused by your not-kind ones. I think you’re clever, and brilliant. I don’t think you’re nasty or disgusting. Your fellow members might.

I’m touched that you’re clearly an avid fan, but if there is any genuine cynicism in your piece, please remember that you’re lucky to work for a place that seldom makes a profit, existing on a subsidy from Mr. Murdoch. Your salary is not remotely a commercial arrangement. How nice that must be!

I look forward to hearing from you again. I hope your llamas have settled.

Good luck!

Chris